The Unicorn

When you’ve been single for a substantial amount of time, dating can be intimidating. When you’re a single mom who had her heart ripped out by a man she trusted, built a life with, and had a child with, dating is fucking terrifying.

By the time my ex had finally left me my self-esteem was non-existent, because, of course, I blamed my physical appearance for his newfound need to bang other women. There wasn’t anything wrong with me per say. I wasn’t overweight and I certainly wasn’t ugly, but I definitely didn’t ooze sex appeal like I do now. Honestly I didn’t know how to because since my teens I had thrown myself into relationships with controlling men who never let me.

I would see confident women all the time and wonder how they got there. What path could I take that would lead me to that street lined with ogling men holding erect weiners? One glance in the mirror could justify that I had all the right tools; I just didn’t know how to use them yet.

I remember a woman telling me shortly after my separation that the buffet of men she devoured after her divorce changed her life. At the time I could never have understood what she meant. I’d never devoured A man before let alone SEVERAL of them.

Was I capable?  Where would a shy woman like me find the confidence to even attempt such a thing?

That’s when I realized the only way I was going to find my inner sexpot, was if I faced my demons and insecurities by diving back into the dating pool. Vagina first.

Prior to my separation, I’d gone from monogamous relationship to monogamous relationship. I’d never just “dated” anyone.  As I’d already entered my thirties I knew it was time.

But before I exposed myself in the real world, I decided to dip my toe, amongst other things, in the weiner-infested waters of the Internet.  I figured rejection there would be much less painful.

In the summer of 2010 I met The Unicorn on Twitter. It was shortly after my first experience with virtual romance, through which I had gained a significant amount of confidence in myself as well as my physical appearance.

By that time I had developed quite a male following online, none of which really caught my eye. Except for The Unicorn. What was attractive about him was his confidence. Which I later learned was pure cockiness, and a full nine inches of it.

But I digress.

After weeks of flirting with each other online he asked me on my very first Skype date. That probably sounds completely innocent but it turned out to be anything but. I remember being extremely nervous because it was the first time I’d ever video chatted with anyone. It brought a level of vulnerability to the table that I wasn’t quite ready for, but decided to face anyway.

Ten minutes into the Skype date he had me completely at ease. It was the closest I’d physically been to a man in nearly a year, even with the thousands of miles between us. He made jokes. I laughed. He asked questions. I answered. It was just like a normal date, until we decided to play Scrabble.

Of course, we couldn’t play just ANY Scrabble…

STRIP SCRABBLE IT IS!

When he challenged me to that game of Strip Scrabble, I had no idea what I was walking into. Had I known that he had been the U.S. Scrabble Champion from 2005-2007, I’d never have agreed to play. Ok he wasn’t, but he should’ve been because he had me completely naked by my fourth turn. Right there on camera.

Our Skype dates became a regular occurrence over the next few weeks. Of course we didn’t always play Strip Scrabble. Sometimes we watched movies together. Other times we’d just talk. And then there were those special occasions when we’d take our clothes off and masturbate for each other.

Wait, what!?!

The thing is, as much as I liked The Unicorn I grew bored with him. Aside from his nine-inch horn, he didn’t have much to offer me, and even that was stuck behind a computer screen.

Though the Skype sex we were having was better than no sex at all, I knew I was ready for the real thing.

So I did what any woman would do who has shown a man her beaver over the Internet but no longer wants to.

I blocked him.

And the next day I found myself a real-life date.