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I figured out something this week. I’m happiest when I’m in love with myself. Sure being in love with someone else has made me happy too, but not happy like this.
For the last five days I have been really, genuinely, consistently happy, and it’s not because of anything anyone did for me or said to me. It’s because I’ve been chasing my dreams again. Chasing those dreams has meant I’ve spent less time over analyzing my life and the people in it and more time doing the things I love. I’ve been too busy making plans, setting goals, and living to stop and think about the people who have recently walked out of my life and what it all means.
Instead it’s been all about me, but not in that asshole self-absorbed way I’ve been known to spin it.
In the beginning of the week I talked about unplugging and being more focused in regards to my professional life. Unplugging from Facebook and Twitter during my new “Office Hours” has brought me more happiness than I ever thought it could. Why? Because instead of wasting my day away tweeting, or obsessing over what the DM that guy just sent me meant, I’ve been accomplishing things with purpose. It feels good to put my all into my life again instead of waiting around for a fairytale that doesn’t exist. I’ve been slowly but surely moving forward instead of standing still and it feels amazing to finally have control over my life again.
Hard to believe only a few short weeks ago I was completely broken and lost while writing this post.
Now this single mom feels stronger than she ever has.
Someone I care deeply for walked out of my life this week. Any other time I would’ve chased him. I’ve done it a dozen times before. With him. With others. This time I didn’t.
I’m a big believer that people or things are put in front of you at certain times in your life to guide you in the right direction when you need it most. I came across a quote three days ago that did just that.
“Spirituality comes from questioning everything but at the same time accepting everything.”
I’ve always been great at the questioning part. I can sit and over analyze what someone said or did to me for hours on end, twisting it in a million different ways in order to try to understand why it happened so I might not get hurt or make the same mistake again. The problem with that is I often question things even after I have an answer, inadvertently acting like a crazy person when really I’m anything but. This is especially true in situations of the heart. Love tends to make me a bit hysterical and irrational.
Eventually I accept whatever is, but only after exhausting myself with all the over analyzing and acting crazy.
This week I stopped myself from doing that again. Instead I threw myself into my life and kept myself busy, and in doing so acceptance came when I realized this person walking out of my life is what’s best for both of us right now.
Will I miss him? Hell yes. But I know this is right.
I’m an extraordinary woman. Without a man in my life to use as a mirror, I’ve been forced to look at myself again. By doing so I’ve been reunited with all the things I like about myself.
My sense of humor.
My big heart.
My courage.
My strength.
My ass isn’t half bad either.
A few weeks alone with these things and I fell in love with myself all over again.
I know I’m on the right path, right where I’m meant to be. Embracing single motherhood. Chasing new and old dreams. Learning to love myself despite my mistakes and imperfections.
I’m single and happy.
5 comments
donna says:
November 4, 2011 at 2:42 PM (UTC -4 )
Bravo, Mely! Bravo. you are awesome.
Mely says:
November 4, 2011 at 4:23 PM (UTC -4 )
Thank you! You’re pretty awesome too XOXO
Roxanne says:
November 4, 2011 at 8:33 PM (UTC -4 )
Cool. Especially the not chasing after him thing. Very cool.
Tony Hunt says:
November 4, 2011 at 11:39 PM (UTC -4 )
Being single can be a trial, but I think only as much as you let it. Taking control and realizing your goals is a great road to take.
You’re kicking ass, don’t stop
-Tony
Alan says:
November 5, 2011 at 5:56 AM (UTC -4 )
http://www.threadbombing.com/data/media
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So happy for you. You are an extraordinary woman.